Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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