the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
