I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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