He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
