so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
