what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
