Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
