A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
In America we eat man semen.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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