There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We're too hungover to prance.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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