she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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