All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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