should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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