I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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