im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
