Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
