In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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