Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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