Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
