We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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