last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
