dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
