So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
