i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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