There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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