I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
