i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
