A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
