Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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