Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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