Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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