Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
