I am puke
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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