ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
