he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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