You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
