I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
