so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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