Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are the jesus of drinking
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
