Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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