Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
