it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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