Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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