susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
