I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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