So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
