so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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