Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
