Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
