dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
