I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
