Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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