"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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