Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
