I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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