So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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