...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
