You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
