my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
