apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
