im six kinds of drunk right now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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