Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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