fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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