my mouth tastes like poor choices
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
