After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
