I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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