I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
