i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
