I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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