So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
