were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
